Ipotty Courtesy of CTA Digital

“Catch ‘em young, keep ‘em for life” is one of those quietly popular mantras in business. You see it in many industries, from fast food to home furnishings to cars to mobile phones, and beyond. For good reason – maximizing customer lifetime value tends to make stockholders happy.

The video game industry is no exception. Indeed, it’s taking this mantra pretty seriously these days, serving the market “from rugrat to rigor mortis.” And it’s not just games, either – there are accessories and gadgets and lifehacking apps, to list just a few examples. There’s even an astonishing variety of gaming furniture for all ages.

Take, for example, the iPotty from CTA Digital (Ctadigital.com). This is ostensibly a toilet-training accessory designed to encourage kids to get on the pot. But let’s be honest – it’s basically a ploy to hook kids when they’re young. To get them to associate the call of nature with Call of Duty (which should be known thenceforth as the Call of Doodie).

There’s not much to say about the iPotty itself. It’s a plastic potty with a slot for an iPad, and that’s fine. Simple is good when it comes to potty training.

Techeye can’t fully recommend the iPotty, despite our unabashed love of gaming. There’s something weird about teaching a child to associate gaming with pooping, ą la Pavlov. 
But we’re not going to judge. Interested parties can get an iPotty from CTA Digital for around $40, starting this March. Just don’t blame us if your kid ends up needing a toilet every time he or she sees an iPad.

Gaming furniture for grown-ups, meanwhile, involves lamentably few toilets. But it can still be pretty cool.

The Emperor 1510 Courtesy of Modern Work Environment Labs

Yes, it costs $5,950, but consider this – MWE Lab also has a chair called the Emperor 200 that sells for an eye-watering $49,150. It’s probably made from unicorns.

Invaders from space coffin Courtesy of Poppy Coffins

The Invaders from Space Coffin from Poppy Coffins (Poppycoffins.co.uk) is one example of how to address this market. Maybe it’s not the finest example, being kind of ugly and all, but it’s better than nothing. Maybe.

We’re not going to list features, because there aren’t any. And we’re not sure what materials are involved, but the Invaders from Space Coffin resembles something we once bought at IKEA, so it’s probably made of pressed sawdust and hard to assemble. It costs £480, which includes UK delivery; ordering from abroad will cost more.

To be honest, even Techeye wouldn’t buy a coffin like this, and we’ve been informed on several occasions that cadavers have more style than we do. But the Invaders from Space Coffin is symbolic of what we may see in the future: multimedia coffins, designed to entertain you in the afterlife.

Because even though it’s Game Over, man, doesn’t mean it’s game over. You know?

Ever yearned to purchase a multimedia coffin? Let us know: techeye.wbj@gmail.com