Courtesy of Tokyo Flash

There are three things which Techeye hates above all others: 1) the sound of old people masticating pudding; 2) paper products made from recycled elephant dung (a key Sri Lankan export); and 3) the painful transience – the mortality even – of knowledge.

The former two can (usually) be avoided by shunning the elderly and the Sri Lankan. The latter is trickier to elude, as almost anyone whose computer has suddenly died can attest.

Techeye joined this unfortunate group recently, when our Toshiba laptop gasped its last, ignoring our impassioned pleas of “Don’t go into the light!” The results of the autopsy won’t be in for a few weeks, but a nasty stain suggests that our mother-in-law removed her dentures and set them, glistening with geriatric tapioca-saliva, on top of the laptop’s keyboard.

Death by pudding slobber – the very definition of “insult to injury.”

With the passing of our faithful computer, we’ve been bereft of most of our recent poetry, including the Keats-inspired “Ode on a Grecian Gurn,” an epic poem chronicling the rise and fall of a Greek ecstasy dealer, and a sonnet about the iPhone 4 which masterfully rhymed “applet spastic” with “pancreatic.”

Faced with this unfathomable loss, Techeye has sunk into an emotional torpor. The gadgets we’re featuring this time around have been deliberately chosen because they are unlikely to ruin your day if they break.

First up are Vuzix’s Wrap 920AR glasses, which are described as the “world’s first consumer video eyewear with 67-inch displays as seen from 10-feet (3m) and a stereo camera pair that ‘looks’ into the world, bringing mixed and augmented reality to life.” What does that mean? Essentially, they record a 3D stereoscopic video which you can later use to bore your friends and relatives. The best part, in our opinion, is that fellow pedestrians will probably assume anyone wearing these is a budding serial killer, creating some extra personal space in crowded areas.

Then there’s Tokyo Flash’s latest timepiece, the Changing Lanes, which is the perfect gift for that special someone who simply doesn’t care what time it is. Or for that rare breed of fashionista, the blind watch wearer.

Courtesy of Vuzix

Think we’re being too cynical? Well, Tokyo Flash is apparently concerned about it too. Its marketing material broadly emphasizes that the Changing Lanes “displays the time.” Just in case the word “watch” had you confused.

The Wrap 920AR glasses aren’t available yet and they’re unpriced; the Changing Lanes will set you back around ¥15,900 (zł.581) and it’s available via Tokyo Flash’s website. Neither is likely to break your heart if it ceases to work, but we’d still recommend keeping them away from denture wearers.