Courtesy of Apple; Courtesy of Sprint

Techeye’s phone is dying. Not a quiet, dignified death, though – its demise is slow, emotionally draining and even spiteful, much like that of a goldfish we once had.

The source of its woes is clear (and entirely our fault). We like to keep the phone in our pocket, a rather dank, inhospitable place filled with pointy keys, befouled tissues and a malevolent brownish substance which has demonstrated more sentience than some of our co-workers.

Let’s just say that our phone, a mid-market Nokia, has not thrived in this environment.

Out of morbid curiosity, we’ll wait until its little binary soul melts into a soup of ones and zeroes before replacing it. In the meantime, we’re on the lookout for potential successors among the uber-smartphones now entering the market.

The first of these is the iPhone 4, which was finally announced last week and should launch in the US on June 24 (Europe will have to wait a few months, as usual). As expected of Apple’s not-so secret gadget, it packs a five-megapixel camera with a flash, a lithe glass and steel body (“aluminosilicate glass,” to be precise) and a forward-mounted camera enabling video calls. Apple has slapped a fancy name – “FaceTime” – on this last feature and is trying to make it sound cool, but we’re sure mums around the world will be using it to spy on their kids:

“Turn the camera on, son!” “Why mom? Why?” “Ye’re not really working, are ye? Ye’re snorting gerbils again! Turn the camera on, boy, else we’ll send yer aunt ta spank ye agin like a wee girl!”

Situations like that are why Techeye won’t be getting an iPhone 4. That and our general belief that Apple is evil to its core. It’s not widely known, but Steve “Genghis” Jobs’ favorite pastime is launching surface-to-surface sharks at orphans and disparagers. Pity the disparaging orphan.

Anyway, a more likely replacement for our fading Nokia is the now-on-sale HTC EVO 4G. Yes, yes, this phone also has a front-facing, video-call camera, but it’s much less conspicuous than the iPhone 4’s, making it easier to tell your mum that it’s just a “beauty mark” in the design. The HTC EVO 4G has got an eight-megapixel camera in the back, a bigger display (4.3 inches to the iPhone 4’s 3.5 inches) and it weighs slightly more, meaning children and the elderly will have a harder time stealing it from you.

It is also being marketed with “features to give businesses a competitive edge,” compared to Apple’s “Buy this or you’re not cool (and we’ll fire sharks at you)” approach to marketing.

Both phones will run you a couple hundred dollars, depending on your service provider. If you care about thinness or highest possible display resolution, the iPhone 4 is a better bet.

If you prefer the Android operating system and think Apple is a brand for muppets and gerbil-snorters, then the EVO is probably right for you. Give it some thought.

Ever discovered sentient life in your pocket? Let us know: techeye@wbj.pl