And we're not alone, it seems, as one odd report from the village of Darlington in England says the community is now home to the Koatian sect. This offshoot of the Goreans (a lovely bunch of people that TechEye was made a life member of until we got kicked out for allegedly buying in a few extra submissives from Honest Joe the Human Trader), the Koatians think there is nothing better to have in one's life than a nice slave. However, it appears that being a Koatian is not the bed of roses that TechEye imagines - its leader Lee Thompson has been banned from the local butcher's for bringing his girlfriend in on a leash while looking for some nice lamb chops.

But in some areas, it seems, society does not take such a dim view of a leash or two. Take our office, for example, where a number of factors, including frequent early-morning drinking sessions among the more senior staff and the exchange-student interns making a bid for freedom and trying to get to the nearest embassy to claim asylum, have led to a few chains being attached to certain staff members' ankles and thence to their desks. The Man says it's all above board, but we have our suspicions, and the employment law that he showed us that says this stuff is mandatory in a media business has some dubious spelling mistakes and was written out on a beermat. Despite this, much like Scientologists and David Hasselhoff fans, we refuse to doubt our leader and will continue to toil under the yoke like the good worker monkey slaves we are.

However, if you're finding that your workforce is proving a little soft on the work and a little hard on the drink, one way you can rope them back in without infringing on those pesky human rights that everyone seems to claim they have these days, is by giving them a nice shiny new device that constantly monitors what they are up to, shackles them to the desk no matter where they are and makes it all seem like a good thing. The Nokia E61 could prove just the shiny ticket for this sort of knavery. This PDA-style gizmo will keep you firmly chained to the office via the wonders of push email, it supports all major mobile e-mailing clients, and sports Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and USB connectivity.

The high resolution 240x230 pixel screen will stop you getting that squinty look so beloved of the local ladies, and it has conference calling capability, speakerphone, and messaging. Apparently it can even make plain old phone calls, but that sounds a bit 20th century to us. Pricing could be in the region of zł.2,100 with a contract (phone company, not the devil kind), all of which leads TechEye to suspect they'll sell like hot cakes in Darlington. Now where is our old Gorean robe?